you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
