I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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