Need sex. Gaining weight.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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