Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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