somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
