She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
