Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize