i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
