ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
In America we eat man semen.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
