The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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