They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
that is very illegal...i love you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
