YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
