Moan for me like Helen Keller
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
