I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
