Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
