How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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