She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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