We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize