I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
