Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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