I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
