Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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