you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize