Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
