someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
