capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize