he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
