we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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