My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
honey bunches of taint.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This is classic penis vs brain.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
