life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
