I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
