my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize