The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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