we made out on top of his cat.
im six kinds of drunk right now
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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