Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
