Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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