just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize