I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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