I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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