i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
