...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
