Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Do vagina's smell?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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