I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
