discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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