i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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