: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
