i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
love makes seman taste better
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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