you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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