make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
