Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
