p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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