Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
