I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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