Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
