hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize