Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize