I should be sponsored by Trojan
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Someone stole a lamp last night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
