I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
