took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
