I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
