I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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