if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
