They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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