How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
