My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
