life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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