I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
