sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize