You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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