You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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