return my video game
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
