What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
