After last night, I could never be a politician.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
