Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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