Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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