got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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