my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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