dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you inspire me to be a worse person
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
