About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
