If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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