Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
