that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
