The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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