im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Randomize
