I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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