Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
