I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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