I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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