I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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