I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
