The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
