Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
