Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
