can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize