Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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