well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think a kid would responsible me up
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
