I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
