real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
