BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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