I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
