GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize