Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
