I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
