So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
