yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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