absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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