We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
