tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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