$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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