Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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