he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
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