True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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