remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
