Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
