thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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