I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
