that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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