I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
