good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I would ride that face into the sunset
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
