During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
