I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
