I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
