Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
